Fall semester 1996

I rolled out of bed dreading my English class; my English teacher was German and she had an unbelievably thick accent. I poured myself in to my favorite jeans and tee shirt slipped on my Birkenstocks threw on my backpack and I was off to class. Today was no different than any other day the air was crisp from the impending fall weather and campus was crowded with throngs college students still half asleep. “Why on earth did I sign up for an 8:00 am English class?” I wondered out loud someone actually nodded in agreement that heard my conversation with myself. I was half way to the classroom building and in my mind I didn’t understand why they couldn’t have come up with a more creative name for the largest building on campus. For Christ sakes the building next door was called P.O.T at least that was a creative acronym for Patterson office tower. I shuffled into the building hoping for a seat near the back so I could escape quickly to make my way to the chemistry physic’s building for a chemistry class that I actually enjoyed. As I pulled out my copy of “Catcher in the Rye” sighing since I had already read this book once in high school I had found myself complaining under my breath about not being challenged enough.

As I glanced up at the professor waiting for her thick accent to roll off of her tongue and then much to my surprise the world stopped. Everything moved in slow motion as he walked into this class I swear the room was so quiet all I was able to hear was my breathing. He sauntered in the room without even taking notice to me which I was very accustomed to. He wore a Vandals shirt with long shorts with a chain on his wallet down to his knees. The jingle of this chain hypnotized me; even if I was able to speak to him I wouldn’t hear my words in my head, only the sound of that chain that suddenly sounded like church bells. I always made an effort think about my choice of words before I uttered one since I suffer from a disease where I have no control over my thoughts when speaking. The first thing that comes to mind is the first thing that comes out of my mouth so I just sat in silence as to avoid some awkward situation that I would never be able to recover from. Much to my surprise he sat in front of me I couldn’t decide if this was a blessing or a curse. After thinking about it for a moment I realized it was a blessing since he would be a nice distraction from class.

The professor droned on about Holden Caulfield, her theories were no different from any other teacher that covered this novel; however I did find myself identifying with Holden. Caulfield is in a place where he doesn’t want to grow up and is finding the world in general to be “phony and superficial”. This is exactly where I was. I had made the decision to graduate early from high school to follow my boyfriend to college. I was under the impression that this would help our relationship that was clearly doomed from the start. I missed my friends from high school but after further examination they were indeed very superficial and I longed for more in my choice of friends. Somehow I convinced myself that these more mature relationships would be easier to find while at college even though the idea of growing up troubled me a great deal.   As I continued to be lost in my thoughts I found myself tracing the back of his head with my eyes then I continued down his shoulders making my way down to the floor. His feet were crossed and he was wearing some beat up Vans I counted the criss crosses in the laces, then the holes for the laces and if I would have concentrated hard I enough I swear I could have counted all of his leg hair. “hey, HEY!” I heard through this fog of counting, it was him, he was talking to me. In my mind the only word I could hear was “shit” and it was echoing in my head. I squeaked out a “yes?” barely audible even to my own ears. He threw a question in my direction “does this get ANY better?” in my haze I responded with “um are you talking to me?”  he chuckled “no I am talking to the guy behind you” I tried to laugh, one of those laughs were someone would think you were being clever, it was a poor attempt. “seriously does this class get any better?” I am scrambling for an answer “um the material or the accent?” he actually laughed at me “both, her accent is killing me and this book bores me to death.” I nodded in agreement noticing that I am all but twitching in my chair. I crossed my legs under me trying to seem interested in class only because if he talked to me again I thought I would pass out. I found myself counting again, the words on his shirt v-a-n-d-a-l-s, that is 7 letters; I am lost in my world of numbers. “hey what planet are you on? She is giving out an assignment.” My world of counting was shattered as he spoke to me again all I can manage was “oh”. Why on earth this professor insisted on having the assignments on her desk to pick up baffled me. This was a huge auditorium where you would have to walk 20 million stairs down to her desk and back up the stairs to leave the classroom. I had decided that she just liked to twist the knife as a final gesture of her boring class. While I am grabbing my bag, ready to schlep down those stairs, he steps out into the aisle and gestures me to go first. “thanks” I am not sure but I thought he said “no problem ladies first” or something to that effect. Now I was the one that felt under examination since I was walking in front of him and I wondered if he could sense I was counting everything on his body during the lecture. I quickly grab my assignment from the desk hoping to make a dash for the door without another moment of counting something on him. I was trying to be cool, glanced of my shoulder at him, to see if he was behind me then I tripped. “shit” was all I could say no quicker than the word was out of my mouth he was behind me, I could smell him it was intoxicating. “are you in a hurry or does this step have a personal vendetta against you?” I pull myself to my feet “no I am just a klutz by nature and I guess I am in a hurry for my next class”. He extends his hand “hi, I’m Jason and you would be?” his voice trailed off waiting for my answer “Lilly my name is lily queen of the clumsy” I was proud of myself for making a joke. The rest of the students were climbing the mountain of stairs toward the door and I am still fumbling with my book bag and papers. “Well lily I will see you on Wednesday 8:00 am sharp”.

I made my way out of the overly large classroom buildings door I had to use all of my weight to push them open enough to slide out. I was on my way to the chem./phys building, as it was known on campus, for my next class. Out of the corner of my eye I could see Jason heading toward Kastle hall and my mind wondered what class he would be in there. “Clearly it must be a psychology class of some kind” I realized I was talking out loud again. “I have got to stop talking to myself otherwise people are going to think I am nuts!” I stopped to put my foot on a bench to fidget with my shoe and I felt a nudge that almost knocked me over. “What the hell….” My voice trailed off since I wasn’t used to someone nudging me let alone talking to me on campus. I looked down behind where my right foot was firmly planted on the ground and there was the beat of Van shoe that I could now recognize anywhere. “I saw you walking toward Kastle hall, what class do you have there”? I was shocked that I was able to utter a single word let alone a complete sentence. “Actually it is a cake class, psychology 102, it is for one of my electives I ran into a friend of mine and he told me class was cancelled today.” My mind is entering a fog again where I am having a hard time distinguishing from what I should say and what I am thinking. “That’s cool for you I am off to chemistry which I am already late for. Hey why did you come back this way when your class was cancelled?” he stammered for a moment “I noticed that your were fighting with your hippie shoe so I wanted to be of some assistance in case this bench as a vendetta like the stair in English”. C’mon lily think of something cleaver to say, think of something cute, for Christ sakes at least smile, my own mind was yelling at me telling me what to do in a situation that was clearly Greek  to me. “Wow you are super funny” I said in my best sarcastic tone. At least sarcasm was familiar enough to me to use instead of trite flirting. My mind is having an argument with my body and I couldn’t help but think he could see the inner struggle. Every cell in my body was lusting for him and I have only known him a mere two hours my mind on the other hand is keeping me frozen in place. “I am so late for class I should go now” I mumbled and tried to walk toward the chem. /phys building. No sooner than my left foot hit the sidewalk I was stumbling again. He was snickering at my lack of coordination “remember it is left, right, left, right. I don’t think I can protect you from the sidewalk, I already have my hands full with the stairs and benches”. I glowered at him and muttered “see you on Wednesday Jason”.

I was surprised at the way I flew up the three flights of stairs to my biology class; normally I would have tripped on something. I slid in the door as the professor was starting the lecture so I flung my bag down at my lab partner’s feet and threw myself on the stool. This was by far one of the nicest classrooms I spent time in. the far right wall was all windows lined with planter boxes of red geraniums’ that looked out on rose avenue the main road here on campus. There were 12 new lab stations in the back of the classroom and the rest of the room was scattered with the standard science tables. Science tables are boring by nature large and rectangular with solid black tops even at my height when sitting on a stool I still couldn’t reach the floor with my feet. I found this to be annoying since I hate to have my feet hanging out in thin air since I could never resist the temptation to swing them around like a kid. This equally bugged my lab partner, King Pow, since it made our table shake. “Lily! Stop shaking the table or I will stab you with my pencil!” he hissed at me under his breath. King Pow is from Kuala Lumpur and the best lab partner I could have asked for. I don’t have to repeat myself over and over to him and he seems to understand things the same way I do. Sounds funny I know but we seem to have this unspoken scientific language that the rest of the class hates us for. In addition to this he is incredibly funny and intuitive so he knew something was “off” with me today. “hello! What on earth are you thinking about?” I was just impressed that he assumed I was on earth unlike Jason. After a moment I replied “K.P I just don’t know I met this guy” from this statement he shot me a look that I had never seen from him before “do I have to remind you about your boyfriend Daniel?” I didn’t need to be reminded of him; he was a staple in my life, whom I had followed to college. I turned down scholarships to several prestigious colleges choosing the state university where Daniel was accepted. This was a very good school but it doesn’t have the pedigree status as the schools I turned down. What is a pedigree worth when you have true love right?   “Who is he?” this question cut through my mind since I really didn’t know WHO he was really. I decided to drop this topic as it was time to move to the lab stations “I don’t know K.P just I guy in English it isn’t a big deal, promise” he seemed to believe me for a moment then without hesitation added “just don’t blow anything up today since you seem to be distracted”. He did have a point when I am distracted in the lab it can have horrible consequences. Last semester we did have an “incident” that could have seriously harmed both of us. Bryan, the student at the station next to us accidently mixed nitric acid and halogenated organic solvents but we don’t know for sure, this was merely a theory of K.P and me. Bryan, who last used the waste bottle, reported that he saw some brown fumes coming from the waste bottle when he added his methylene chloride. Bryan then capped the bottle and walked away. A minute or two later it exploded. The explosion blew glass shrapnel across the laboratory. Students on the other side of the laboratory were hit with glass fragments others were hitting the floor in fear. It was me that handed him the wrong waste bottle. I was upset over a fight with Daniel which was another staple in our relationship. I was just going through the motions in this lab my hands were moving and mixing chemicals, eyes looking at slides from a vacant mind. Why was I pondering my relationship with Daniel in class NOW? Our relationship was always on the edge of a break up in fact we frequently did only to make up once again neither of us willing to give up.

The class was finally coming to a close I rose to grab my book bag to leave and stumbled over the stool. King Pow couldn’t help but laugh at me at least I knew it was in good nature, he calls me a little car wreck. As I am filing out of the classroom with the rest of the class and the stale air of the chemistry physics building hit me like a wall. I have actually grown accustomed to this smell but today it was worse than usual. King Pow was running after me as I was scrambling for the front doors for some air “Lily! Why are you running? is something chasing you” I tried to ignore him but I had to chuckle. Once outside the fresh air was a relief I inhaled as if I was breathing for the first time. As King Pow made his way out of the building I was lowering myself onto the sidewalk waiting for Daniel. “what the hell is wrong with you today?”I just mumbled “I thought we had covered this already King Pow” I could tell he was getting annoyed with me so he just said bye and continued on his way. I always waited for Daniel at the corner of Rose Street and Sunset Avenue before I went to eat lunch. On Monday, Wednesdays and Fridays Daniel didn’t start class until 12:30 so I was half way done with my day before he even rolled out of bed.  I know I look like an idiot sitting on the sidewalk Indian style drawing on my shoes but I really didn’t care if fact I had really become a fixture there three days a week. I could see Daniel trotting up Sunset Avenue and I didn’t even feel like moving to greet him. “what the hell is wrong with me?” I muttered out loud again I was pissed at myself for trying to analyze my relationship during chemistry now I am pissed at Daniel and I haven’t even talked to him yet! I sat there until he was inches from where my toes where stretched out on the pavement I finally raised my hand in a gesture to have him help me up. He kissed me, not an earth shattering kiss, not a kiss of undying love, just a greeting kiss, just a hello involving lips. “hey lily babe I’ve missed you today. My day is just not great until I see my girl” I am trying to swallow the lump of vomit in my throat before I respond to his statement. “yeah yeah Daniel” I was getting tired of this game of charades. We had been together for five years now and our relationship was not moving forward just ever so slightly backwards every day. I wanted more out relationship but yet we still talked about or wedding and how many kids we were going to have. I could feel the vomit coming back as I grabbed his hand and walked with him to the journalism building. It was a short walk, just around the corner from the chemistry physic’s building then I would continue on my way to the K-lair deli for lunch. I was pretty sure he was talking to me about something I was just ignoring him since I felt the urge to pick a fight with him. Sooner than later we were kissing our bye’s and I was on my way to lunch. I am a creature of habit so every Monday I have broccoli soup at the K-lair, sit on the corner for Daniel and now I was wondering if Jason would be added to my expected Monday activities.

Helen – I just now got your emails and btw I plan on reading all of your latest fan fic as a book…all back to back so let me know when the final chapter is.

Blaqk pearl – I am going to read your fan fics like a book too…I will keep my eyes open for them.

Jac – we need to talk soon!

Djscribbles – I got your emails today…lack of power dear…any plans for Saturday night?

Lori – miss you bunches hope you are doing great! I have a book recommendation for you that I think you would LLLLOOOOVVVEEE…

Since we have not had power I have been reading the Twilight saga by candle light and I am hopelessly addicted. I mean seriously; I am NOT a fiction fan and I am NOT a fan of vampire stories. To be honest my reading materials tend to lean toward the scientific, human behavior, and pharmaceutical. I haven’t been able to stop reading this stuff since college. The most I have read of fiction has been by Sandra Boynton, Cars books by Disney and anything with Thomas the train…all for adin…actually I thought I might have lost the ability to read an adult novel

In order to tolerate this environment I HAD to drink quickly to be numb to the ridiculous behavior that I am witnessing. 2 martinis’ later I was feeling a little more relaxed and I brought my camera with me…I am never without my camera due to the fact that you will never know what you may encounter.  These are some photos from the evening…and I WILL NEVER GO BACK THERE AGAIN!!!!!

Tonya, Beth and Allison

this is a HORRIBLE picture of Lisa (on the left) and leslie...trying to avoid the camera...yes lisa had a few drinks when this was taken...

NO i have no idea who these people are and why they are dancing with a bunny and a chipmunk

this bar encouraged women to dance on the tables...

no they meant to wear this..i asked...they didn't lose their clothes like i thought

another example of why you should NOT drink in excess

this is the "uniforms" the employee's wore...

so this was the night out...nope there is not a picture of me since I had the camera the whole time...but i did take a HORRIBLE video of myself after i downed my martini...kids don't drink I m 31 years old...

They hail from Texas and are lumped into the “alt country” genre but they are so much more than that. Their lyrics will haunt you and tear at your heart strings at moments even in some of their happier/catchy tunes like “Timebomb”.  The band was formed by front man Rhett Miller in 1993 “Hitchhike to Rhome” was released in 1994 followed by “Wreck your life” in 1995 which confirmed their roots in the alt country world of music. When they switched record labels in 1997 they released one of my favorite records “Too far to care”. I can honestly say there is not one song on this album that I cannot listen to over and over. the Old 97's are equally blessed with a HOT lead singer/guitarist and the ability to sound just as good, if not better, live than on cd. enjoy the following clip of "Big Brown Eyes" one of my personal favorites.

Another great album, well to me they are all great, is “Satellite Rides”. My all time favorite song on this album is “Designs on You”. To me this is a story of love between two people in the  most inopportune times in life…I think this has happened to some of us one time in our life at some time. Here is “designs on you” enjoy! Don’t let the funny story in the beginning distract you from a beautiful song!

If you feel like taking a chance on a new band…the type of band that makes you want to sit out on your porch with a tall glass of lemonade. The Old 97’s are for you. ok the lemonade part is rather corny I know, I listen to them whenever I can which tends to be when I am chasing Adin all over the house! Adin digs the Old 97’s he goes into his “smooth moves” dance…

Rhett Miller has also had a successful solo career with the albums “Instigator” and “Believer”. I love Rhett Miller when he is in raw form…all acoustic, wild hair flying, and his crazy little stories. His solo works bring this out best. When he was on tour with Tori Amos in 2003 Adam and I had the privilege of seeing him live and getting the chance to meet him. He and his wife and been recently married as Adam and I were. Being the idiot I am all I was able to say was “I like your wedding band. My husband’s band is titanium” from then on Adam did all the talking. He did thank us for coming to the show and give me a hug… THIS is why I should never meet anyone of moderate fame.

The Old 97’s are perfect summer music and their latest album “Blame it on Gravity” is almost addictive. “Dance with me” and “Color of a lonely heart is blue” are my personal favorites. Here is a clip of Rhett Miller performing “Dance with Me” solo/acoustic…love it love it love it! He is so animated when he performs.

Dance with me, into the ocean
Roll with me, into the sea
Don’t tell me the world is in trouble
Do you want to dance with me
Do you want to dance with me, oh
Do you want to dance with me?

This past year he has learned to walk, talk, make up his own mind, develop his own sense of style, how to manipulate me, melt the heart of anyone he comes into contact with and just be…Adin.

Two years ago today, this moment, I was praying for a miracle. I had already been in labor for 36 hours and didn’t know IF I had the strength to continue. This little boy was trying to make his entrance into this world and change me forever. He finally did at 10:01 pm…51 hours after making it to the hospital.

July 29^th was a great day I was getting a lot of last things in order. I picked up adin’s bookshelf at Lowe’s and another gallon of his pale blue paint for his walls. I picked up my new pair of glasses which I was in great need of. My due date WAS August 5^th and for some reason everyone that day let me know that they thought I wasn’t going to make it that far...HA! I thought they were so wrong. I did some laundry at home washed some of the cute little clothes I picked up for my son…I sat down to eat something before I made my way to the airport to pick up my husband from a business trip. I felt a little POP “eh” I said to myself “it is nothing”. I finished my dinner and drove the 6 miles to the airport. By the time I arrived I knew I didn’t feel to good I pulled over in the waiting area, where you are no longer allowed to park, and asked the police man on duty to take pity on the almost 8 month pregnant woman…right then, right there Adin decided to begin his entrance into this world…Adam’s plane was 40 minutes late and all the time I was sitting in the car freaking out since my water broke… (Kids take this as a lesson)

July 30^th was spent in the hospital…I couldn’t even get out of bed since I had gone into premature labor. The Nicu (neonatal intensive care unit) were making plans for when my baby would arrive, early. I had gone 14 hours without eating since they didn’t know if I would need a c-section…I was starving and a total bitch by now. Visitors were coming and going, my cell wouldn’t stop ringing…everyone was waiting for Adin…but nothing was happening except for contractions.

July 1^st is when things really started moving along. I finally went into full blown labor sometime after mid night. I went a good 12 hours or so without an epidural only to have it wear off 5 hours before Adin was born…pure agony. But he was worth every single moment of pain.

Now as the second year is almost over…the story of Adin’s birth is still with me as I am sure it will be for the rest of my life…but it pales in the comparison of the past year. He is now my little boy no longer that little baby that depended on me for EVERYTHING. Sure I am still needed now for diaper changes, hugs and kisses and to play with but it is different now. He can TELL me what he wants or get it himself. He can pick out his own outfits, play with whatever toy he wants and has his own dislikes and things he likes. He is his own little person and I feel truly honored to be his mother.

Adin's first birthday

eating strawberries for the first time (13 months)

14 months

15 months

16 months

17 months

18 months

19 months

20 months

21 months

22 months

23 months...

24 month pictures will be posted when he wakes up!!

RESULT OF KOOL-AID

after kool-aid

eating...

thinking about thowing food...

after food was thrown...

before the zoo...well first stop at the zoo

during the zoo trip

after the zoo..

right before first bite of banana at breakfast

after playing

hope you enjoyed...now for a cute pic of adin and his beloved "mooby"

 eating with his turtles

Within minutes I suggested to my nephew Trent that I take him to his first concert. I cannot tell you how happy he was… he has only been listening to the Viva La Cobra album every day since I bought it for him.  My next thought was to bring my friend Leslie’s daughter sierra with us since she is 11 years old also. Then I was having a bit of anxiety…”what the hell am I thinking taking two 11 year olds to a concert!!!!” eh everything will be fine.

This is a rundown of the evening…

While waiting in line I had a PETA person approach me to sign a petition to support pig’s rights or whatever. First of all I don’t eat pork…Second most of you know how I feel about PETA…so she got my spill about “if you support the terrorist cell you support terrorists” lecture…and proceeded to tell her how PETA effects my life….I thought Trent and Sierra were going to die of embarrassment. They were rendered silent as was the poor little 17 year old girl wearing a shirt with a barking pig on it...yeah I don’t know about that. I was nice but I got my point across.

I managed to score some cool seats for them on top of the speakers to the right of the stage. As to embarrass Trent and Sierra further I had them make a sign that said “this is our first concert! We love Cobra Starship” I will be damned if Gabe Saporta saw it and READ IT… let me explain… At some point during the evening Trent and Sierra became my “kids”. It was getting a little old explaining that Trent was my nephew and Sierra was my best friends’ kid. So when the next 15 year old girl told me what a cool mom I was I didn’t bother to yell over the music from the opening band…that I wasn’t their mom so I just nodded. One of these girls was sitting on the speakers with Trent and Sierra thought they were twins…next thing I know Alex, the bassist, leans over to put his head around the speakers and yells “hi twins!”…

So Gabe reads the sign…he yells to me.. “this is YOUR first concert?” Alex replies “no Gabe the twins”….

So yes, at this point I am now the mother of 11 year old twins taking them to their first concert…everyone thinks it is great…what the hell am I going to do???

The show comes to an end…we are first in line to meet the group. Alex was the first to greet my “kids” and proceeded to tell me how cool it was that I brought them…”um (showing a picture of Adin on my cell) this is my son, Adin…Trent is my nep…” Alex…”WOW he is cute! Does he like us too?” followed by much laughter…Trent jumps up with “actually he really does like Cobra Starship!!!”

So we all meet the band, all the members look at my picture of Adin and agree that he is the “cutest little fan” sign our autographs and let us take pictures. Someone in the band commented that they liked my cherry tattoos…Gabe reminded Trent and Sierra that they have a cool mom. Trent took my picture with Gabe and I look like a huge ball of sweat and stringy hair…so I will not post this picture. Gabe gave me his water bottle by accident so as I was trying to give it back…and finally give a short “hey really he is my nephew”…he looked me dead in the eyes and said “thanks for bringing your kids to the show”...I kept the water bottle and let him tend to his other fans...geeze i am an idiot.

 Here are the pictures that I managed to take at the show…my brand new camera freaked…and yesterday I took it back to circuit city for another one. Adin stomped on our old Nikon and killed it so my husband replaced it with a Samsung…it SUCKED…as do the pictures from the show…sorry. I am the proud new owner of a Nikon that I love…